Communicating with Costa Ricans

On many occasions I have been engaged in a conversation with a Costa Rican friend or acquaintance when a very basic conversational miscue occurs. I ask a question and my friend responds by saying yes. I assume that the yes I receive meant an affirmative response, i.e. Yes, I’ll be there, yes, I’ll do it, or Yes you can dress like that in public without people laughing at you. However, my experience in Costa Rica and other Latin American countries has taught me a different meaning of the word yes of which I was not previously aware . Yes, can be merely an acknowledgement of the fact that I am talking, that the listener has heard me, or a reflection of what I want to hear. Yes does not necessarily mean an affirmative, positive response. The person may not show up, may not do what you thought they would do, and you may be dressed ridiculously and shouldn’t be allowed to go out in public.

Costa Rican playwright Melvin Méndez from the book, The Ticos, expands on this point. He writes of his fellow Costa Ricans, “We beat around the bush to avoid saying ’No’, a syllable which seems almost rude to us. And rather than hurt someone, we say one thing and do another.” I had an experience recently that illustrates this point. I was supposed to meet a friend at a party and when I called him after arriving at the party he assured me that, yes, he’d be right over. When I called again, an hour later, he said, yes, he was almost ready and was just leaving the house. He never showed up. The truth was that he was waiting for a phone call from a girl that he wanted to go out with but didn’t want to tell me that he was choosing her over me, so in order not to hurt my feelings he just told me what I wanted to hear. This was not the first time I had experienced such difficulties in basic communication, and experience has taught me to take such snubs in stride. Remembering that no disrespect or injury was intended. My friend was doing the culturally acceptable, correct and polite thing by expressing to me that he wanted to be at the party with me and that he liked me. He was answering a different question than the one I was asking. I was literally asking, “Are you coming to the party?” But he was answering a question much like, “Would you like to come to the party with me if you could?” So, how in the world can a person adjust to such conversational conundrums? Understanding the basic differences between the communication styles of indirect culture direct culture can be helpful. A person from a culture with direct communication style values “putting all the cards on the table” and “cutting to the chase.” Direct communicators do not place as much emphasis on context or on body language to get their point across. For direct communicators, if it is not verbally stated, it is not communicated. In contrast, indirect communicators place a heavy emphasis on context and often consider stating what appears to be obvious as insulting. It is assumed that an intelligent person will read the context and body language in communication, whereas direct communicators assume that if something is important then it will be stated clearly with no room from misinterpretation.

Perhaps you are left feeling a little overwhelmed at the prospect of having to reinterpret what people are saying to you with the added complexity of communication in a foreign language. The good news is that one gets better at interpreting indirect speech patterns as well as adjusting expectations appropriately. In the example above, I knew after the second phone call that my friend was not going to be coming. or at least I knew there was a strong possibility he wouldn’t be there. Something in his tone of voice tipped me off. Of course, the ability to read those subtleties took years to develop, so one must have patience during the process.

What well-adapted Costa Rican residents know adapting their communication style.

1. Give people an option. Sometimes one doesn’t know Ticos are sincere until you give another option.
2. Ask in another way, using qualified speech. You might try to say something like, “Is it difficult for you to come tonight?”
3. Ask a third party. Sometimes a friend of a friend or someone else who is familiar with the situation is the only way to get accurate information.
4. Ask a Costa Rica. Costa Ricans will always be able to interpret their compatriots much better than foreigners.

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